and this is, another year.

without me growing, well of course except in physical terms.

i'm happy.
with my family, everything seems right.
they tend to do everything for me and yet i still fail to figure myself out.
thank you for your kindness and love.
there's this sister of mine,
whenever she knows i want to get something,
she'd get it before i do, and with another sister, present to me as a gift.
then there's my mum who will buy me cakes and sleep in the living room for my return,
treated me a wholesome meal and walked out to the nearest mart to get ice cream.
then there's my grandparents who love having dinner with us, and
then there's dad who never remembers a birthday lol
but i feel happy.

all of these couldn't have happened if my Father above did not bring me into this world.
and for that i am eternally grateful for my birth day,
for the blessings He never ceased to give me,
for providing everything i needed,
for providing me everything that i do not deserve.
thank You, my Father,
for keeping me in peace.

as i've grown older,
i simply realize, you just can't fight the order.
if it's meant to be found, it will be.
i've always have this bad habit of wanting to find things desperately when i lose them.
with all my might i'd find them, with all costs,
even when it means turning my house upside down.
then i'd start asking and blaming and asking,
why me ? why always me ?
why must i keep finding stuffs, why wouldn't they just come to me ?
three things i hate the most,
to be woken up from my sleep, to wait, and to find.
but i guess it's one of God's way to form a better me.
and also in a way,
to test my faith,

and i'd always fail.

because i'll keep complaining for probably a whole 2 hours,
only to when i've calmed down,
i'd ask myself why do i have to find things so desperately now ?
why couldn't i wait ?
there's so much whys in my life,
i've lost all control over them.
and i've let them take me over.
really hate myself when i want something so much, so badly.
i'd find myself in hard to control myself over it sigh
i'd have to suppress myself, talk to myself until my mind gets over it.
and you do not want to guess how long does it takes, hah

thus for this whole new beginning of me,
embarking the journey of a 22 year old,
i just hope to learn to be patient a little more.
and do not lose faith under any circumstances,
do not lose f a i t h.

thus,
closing and opening another chapter,
here i am,
trying to redefine myself again.

p/s : thank you for all the warm wishes,
my day couldn't have make it without all of your loves and supports from year to year.
thank you all, and may God bless all of you kind souls.

pp/s : haruiee is one year old !  *claps* and i am so happy being able to see Bambiee ^^