but the the pencil is still staying strong and doesn't want to succumb to any of the circumstances. 

and that is the reason why i am still able to hold everything in.

because the pencil haven't fall.

this week has been like a living hell.

I had my happy celebration back in hometown, only to come back to this place so opposite.

there's no water. 

for freaking five days. 

no mood for anything seriously.

Tuesday's class has been cancelled.

I've skipped evening's class cuz it's a waste of time.

Wednesday is our favulty's family day.

very much I wanted to attend, but I couldn't. 

We were supposed to play games and sun ourselves in the middle of the field. 

so tell me after all the fun where am I going to get water to clean myself up ? the water tank outside is going dry, and had been delivering only muddy sandy water.

so Wednesday was off for me.

and that night, my car got crashed again.

I have just returned from fixing Xiao hong's left eye and now her whole right part of her face including her eye is wrecked. 

*xiao hong is my car so imagine yourself*

that was when I started to think about this hellish week.

I haven't been doing anything productive except for sleeping. 

I don't even know what drama to watch anymore.

I can't bring myself to flip my books.

why ? 

I don't know.

and then xiao hong got hurt.

but thank God, the one who banged my car owned up to it and paid 85% for the repairs.

thank you so much sir for being a gentleman.

my emotions wasn't stable. 

mostly on downhill.

I got headaches due to too much sleep.

and then I felt like a handicapped.

I haven't been achieving or producing anything when I am alive and well.

it's a shame and I loathe myself everyday.

when times like this comes for me,

the funny thing is I couldn't find anyone to tell, to express them all.

I have loads of friends, best friends, true friends, I have them all and I know they are always by my side.

but because I know how they will respond to my rants, I decided to keep quiet. 

I know they are good listeners, and good advisors. but I simply know. and if I talk to them, I will feel good for that moment and next you will see the bitter me again.

tried talking to mum and sis but I just couldn't bring anything up.

this is how messed up I am.

but when I thought I have no one to turn to,

I smiled thinking of this one person and friend.

invisible beside you but you can feel His presence.

though I am still messed up, but I felt better talking to Him.

for better or for worse, I know I could always count on Him.

thank you, my true-est Friend.

so I got back on track for the time being,

and I hope to maintain this happy self.

a small reminder, 

nothing truly lasts forever. 

let go, let them all go. 

我不想再執著了 :)