we are all mad here.

already coming to an end, December.
finally i'm home after six weeks or so ?
so glad so blessed to be back.
miss my baby red so much, finally got to put my hands on her today T.T
oh and yesterday dad let me drove his car back from kl haha
this time i drove all the way home, though i started after the second toll ? :D
love driving on highways lol
hopefully can bring baby red next year ^^

touched down at 8pm yesterday,
straight away went to bring Ben and his crew out for dinner.
wanted fine dining for christmas eve lol
Ben is a real nice friend i made at church camp in 2009 ?
hahha so good to see him after 3 years ^^
went to Crocodile Rock,
and i'm really sorry if the food wasn't up to the standard.
they are from Penang, which means they are pampered by real good food.
ah how can Kuantan's food stand a chance compared to Penang leh T.T
after that went to TC, hahha it's the most happening place in Kuantan already right ...
culture shocked myself, never know people play stuffs like that in Kuantan.
cars were sprayed all over, even humans, even policeman's car.
so daring already kuantanese.
probably because they are mad ? i think everyone is, after the election.

Christmas today !
didnt make it to church.
head was spinning, probably i did not have enough sleep.
sigh i wanted to go so badly, but then :(
so sorry to disappoint You.
went to ECM to support Ben & the crew's last show,
omg so cute lah really awesome performance !
rushed home for dinner, did not even bid him goodbye well.
First home cooked dinner by dad today,
fav chicken herbal soup ^^
just came back meeting with jian, kat & odi.
missing the girls.
:(

finals in a week,
and i know i'm in real deep shit.
how am i supposed to make it this time.
oh God bless me.
all in all,
it's really good to be back home
though sometimes i've given up the thought of coming back because it's really tiring.
well a journey worth everything,
it's really good to be here :)

Feng Yi - me - Shi Qi. camera man is Chee Yoong so sorry couldn't have you in here.

Dinner started around 8,

oh hye.
sorry for abandoning you.
i have so much to say so much to rant about but i just couldn't spare the time.
had been on a roller coaster these two weeks wtf
and things doesn't seem to be able to slow down.
It's the final week for this sem and so,
whatever assignments, small tests, presentations have to passed up by this Friday.
i have so much undone sigh i'm a last minute princess hahhhaa -.-
but can you believe it, it's the final week already though some classes are already done with few weeks ago.
i know right mad fast i really have no idea what i had been doing for the past 3 months.
another 2 weeks i'll have my finals and then Semester 1 is over.
like really over wtf.
had been sleeping around 4 or 5 lately and now i'm actually waiting for 5.30 so i can jog.
having a stupid presentation tomorrow which i have no idea what am i suppose to talk or present.
have mercy please lecturers sigh.
i think i am really doomed for.
till soon again !

cant wait for next week to be over pfft

happily announce that 3rd of Dec is over for me.
dislike this day because events that took place today are of which i really dislike.
was escaping from today had loads of sleepless night and it's really a relief everything is over.
the problem with me,
towards events i dislike that's gonna take place,
i tend to tell myself it's gonna happen anyway so let it be.
and then i'll tell myself that God is with me so just make the best out of it.
but then i can't stop worrying.
it'll be forever in me i just like to make a fuss out of it.
i'll go super moody, in whatever thing i do i'll keep thinking bout it.
to be honest i did not sleep well last night.
woke up every hour, you know that kind of worries i have in me.
but once the event passes, i'll feel stupid for worrying this much.
it's no biggie but sigh i don't know how to control myself.
my own disorder maybe ?
i don't wanna grow old like this :(

having another group discussion tomorrow and i decided not to care anymore hahah
so much to think about very stress one leh..
classes would be ending this week,
and finals is a month away.
and like that would mark the end of my first semester.
it is really horrifying knowing time do flies this fast.

Paul Walker.

hi it iz i again.
another three days and it'll mark the beginning of the fourth month being here.
it is really weird how time flies,
and saddening as it can be because i have proved myself useless all these while.
still the same, i'm living for the sake of just being here.
i haven't adapt to this environment,
and often, very often i wonder why is my soul in this body,
and what the heck am i doing here.

so much work to finish but i'm only interested in my bed.
i've cut down on dramas and anime,
i have not finish SAO in a week and i stopped obsessing over Kim Do Jin.
because i know that i would be eaten up had i not stop all this craziness.
well it's kind of a good thing i mean i'm rational again,
and now the tempting bed sigh.
i tend to sleep every single second.
i slept around 12 hours in total yesterday and of course it's not enough.
i have so many tutorials' questions to be done but i just couldn't make myself do them because frankly i do not understand a single shit.
sigh and i still feel sleepy in class which is really bad.
PBL and FGD next week and i hate talking.
i hate to be evaluated verbally.
i rather do extra ten papers in exchange because i just hate talking like that.
and to approach people is one of my biggest fear.
one thing i would have to overcome it during my next DG.
oh Lord please lend me Your strength.

for one thing i'm still holding up this long probably is because i just don't want to disappoint anyone.
whether i could or could not do it is no longer a question.
i don't care but then i just need to find a purpose.
i have all the ideas and things and plans to do all in my head,
but i just can't seem to be able to carry them out.
everyday just everyday i would go okay i'll do this later and then i'll either visit Jane or the bed.
waking up with the same idea but then nah there's always later.
i have been struggling with this since my SPM time,
but there's never a solution.
which means STPM is just sheer luck.
even right now i'm supposed to be doing my consti questions and then you see ...
and i bet the next thing i will do is hoping onto my bed.
if this continues,
i would be expel for all's sake.

you can really see how lost i am.
sigh until when will i be able to put up with such behaviour.
hate myself for not being like this.
i need a purpose i need the drive.
most importantly,
the fruit of self-control.

hope to be better this week.
looking at them,
i know i can make it.

" What does revenge mean? Because, as you saw in that final moment, after you've killed someone, what's left? ... That kind of bitterness and hate kills things.
But then, what do you do? "

- Red John

Reading is always the first step