hi it iz i again.
another three days and it'll mark the beginning of the fourth month being here.
it is really weird how time flies,
and saddening as it can be because i have proved myself useless all these while.
still the same, i'm living for the sake of just being here.
i haven't adapt to this environment,
and often, very often i wonder why is my soul in this body,
and what the heck am i doing here.
so much work to finish but i'm only interested in my bed.
i've cut down on dramas and anime,
i have not finish SAO in a week and i stopped obsessing over Kim Do Jin.
because i know that i would be eaten up had i not stop all this craziness.
well it's kind of a good thing i mean i'm rational again,
and now the tempting bed sigh.
i tend to sleep every single second.
i slept around 12 hours in total yesterday and of course it's not enough.
i have so many tutorials' questions to be done but i just couldn't make myself do them because frankly i do not understand a single shit.
sigh and i still feel sleepy in class which is really bad.
PBL and FGD next week and i hate talking.
i hate to be evaluated verbally.
i rather do extra ten papers in exchange because i just hate talking like that.
and to approach people is one of my biggest fear.
one thing i would have to overcome it during my next DG.
oh Lord please lend me Your strength.
for one thing i'm still holding up this long probably is because i just don't want to disappoint anyone.
whether i could or could not do it is no longer a question.
i don't care but then i just need to find a purpose.
i have all the ideas and things and plans to do all in my head,
but i just can't seem to be able to carry them out.
everyday just everyday i would go okay i'll do this later and then i'll either visit Jane or the bed.
waking up with the same idea but then nah there's always later.
i have been struggling with this since my SPM time,
but there's never a solution.
which means STPM is just sheer luck.
even right now i'm supposed to be doing my consti questions and then you see ...
and i bet the next thing i will do is hoping onto my bed.
if this continues,
i would be expel for all's sake.
you can really see how lost i am.
sigh until when will i be able to put up with such behaviour.
hate myself for not being like this.
i need a purpose i need the drive.
most importantly,
the fruit of self-control.
hope to be better this week.
looking at them,
i know i can make it.
another three days and it'll mark the beginning of the fourth month being here.
it is really weird how time flies,
and saddening as it can be because i have proved myself useless all these while.
still the same, i'm living for the sake of just being here.
i haven't adapt to this environment,
and often, very often i wonder why is my soul in this body,
and what the heck am i doing here.
so much work to finish but i'm only interested in my bed.
i've cut down on dramas and anime,
i have not finish SAO in a week and i stopped obsessing over Kim Do Jin.
because i know that i would be eaten up had i not stop all this craziness.
well it's kind of a good thing i mean i'm rational again,
and now the tempting bed sigh.
i tend to sleep every single second.
i slept around 12 hours in total yesterday and of course it's not enough.
i have so many tutorials' questions to be done but i just couldn't make myself do them because frankly i do not understand a single shit.
sigh and i still feel sleepy in class which is really bad.
PBL and FGD next week and i hate talking.
i hate to be evaluated verbally.
i rather do extra ten papers in exchange because i just hate talking like that.
and to approach people is one of my biggest fear.
one thing i would have to overcome it during my next DG.
oh Lord please lend me Your strength.
for one thing i'm still holding up this long probably is because i just don't want to disappoint anyone.
whether i could or could not do it is no longer a question.
i don't care but then i just need to find a purpose.
i have all the ideas and things and plans to do all in my head,
but i just can't seem to be able to carry them out.
everyday just everyday i would go okay i'll do this later and then i'll either visit Jane or the bed.
waking up with the same idea but then nah there's always later.
i have been struggling with this since my SPM time,
but there's never a solution.
which means STPM is just sheer luck.
even right now i'm supposed to be doing my consti questions and then you see ...
and i bet the next thing i will do is hoping onto my bed.
if this continues,
i would be expel for all's sake.
you can really see how lost i am.
sigh until when will i be able to put up with such behaviour.
hate myself for not being like this.
i need a purpose i need the drive.
most importantly,
the fruit of self-control.
hope to be better this week.
looking at them,
i know i can make it.
