after i resigned on the 25th,
i thought i will have seven nice days to prepare for my uni lol
but then it turned out to be a chaos lol

mum wasn't at home for a whole week,
so i didn't get nagged bout my room and
she wasn't there to help me to pack.
probably that's why i had been procrastinating so much,
i always thought that my time would be sufficient.
so i arranged a lot of meet ups,
did some lil shopping on my own,
got home when it's around 11 or 12,
looked at my super messy room and half-packed bags,
i then tell myself : tomorrow lah.

in fact "tomorrow lah" kills a lot.

so on the morning before i leave for my uni,
i woke up at 4.30am ( thank God i did a lil packing the night before, kept bugging sis and mum )
started to panic and then dump everything in, took everything out,
repeated for quite some time and then sat there cluelessly.
dad was shocked at the sight of all the things i intended to bring.
he kept laughing and said i must be joking and all,
eventually eliminated 11 shirts and 3 pairs of jeans.
okay la my first time maa.
left house and patah balik after we were 20 minutes away cause i forgot to bring my xray.
*smacks face*
of course dad got mad la haha
anyway reached KL, fetched sis, mum and aunt,
after a simple breakfast we left for my uni.

to be honest,
i don't know how to describe my feeling.
i just know that i'm entering uni,
and a part of me tells me this isn't real.
you know, you have to leave your home,
study outside alone,
i know the distance isn't that far,
and i could have got home easily,
but it's never going to be the same anymore.
* even now, i can't feel it's real. a school camp i kept chanting to myself*

around 11 plus,
reached my uni and then met up with Al Vin kaofu & his family.
Al Vin kaofu was in this university last 10 years ago ?
he wanted to visit this place again with his family hehe
wanna show Chloe : daddy was here last time leh !
haha he was in KUO, and me, lucky me got KRK.
so many happy parents, so many excited undergraduates i saw.
i didn't want to feel much so i just go with the flow alright.
i didn't think, didn't expect, didn't want to know a thing.
super empty my mind.
i checked in to my room,
and i was thrilled and happy.
it's so nice and so good i think everyone is happy for me.
everyone then helped me clean up,
my mind was still blank,
and i know this might be what Jess Minn had always wanted.
after cleaning and all, we went out to eat kajang satay.
family then sent me back, and they bid me their last goodbye,
and then i'm alone, for another four years,
this is how i'm going to live, this is all i have to live with.

mum must be the saddest of all i assume.
imagine no one at home to bring her troubles,
no one she can gossip with already.
to think back i don't think i've spend enough time with her.
when she was working, i was sleeping.
when i go to work, she's not occupied.
our time never matches.
i'm so sorry mum.
pray for me, wish for the best for me.
i will do my best, with all i can to make you proud.
love you mum.