well,
didn't think i would leave this year behind without saying goodbye eh ?

my first in eight months' time,
i'm truly sorry for neglecting this space of mine.
sometimes i just don't know what to write anymore ha ha.
as time passed i've became less passionate, less productive.
i always had thought in my mind, but never put them into action.
but i always have thoughts.

so now,
2015 has ended,
and me being me,
never did anything that i've promised myself earlier of the year.
for an example,
continuous study so that i wouldn't have to suffer during finals.
it's finals season again and as it has always been,
i'm suffering now in this period.
me to blame.

2015 had struck me with various events,
lots of joys, lots of pain.
i would love to say that it has been a blessed year,
but i could not.
(but i am still blessed with so much i am not complaining)
everything was well until i said that everything is well.
and there's this loss i am still trying to get over with.
it's going to be a whole new year, but this time,
we are not going to cross to it together though we have not before, physically.

i really hoped i would change,
to be someone better.
because i know i'm lacking so so much
and yet what i do is complain and do nothing.
then i complain about people, two hours later i hate myself for complaining about them.
but truly sometimes,
i feel so vulnerable and i always give in.
mom says that i am too accommodating and i don't blame her,
but the truth is,
how am i going to change myself, to speak up ?
so this is the me that will remain,
until one day i courage up myself and change it.
that one day, i suppose.

God has been good.
very merciful very kind.
had and always will.
there's this one friend that tells me,
you'll never know how good God is,
if you are not wicked till the extent to realize how good He is.
and i can say that God is good,
because i know my darkest sins.
but He is ever forgiving,
to accept someone like me, unworthy and sinful.
i'm blessed more than i can asked for.

so to sum up this year,
still the same.
except for one change.
but still the same.
but anyway, let's wrap up this chapter,
and continue the following one with positive vibes.