halt xi
long crap post about my emotion timeline lol
Eighteen of March,
one very fine and er nervous day i had been waiting & not longed for.
so it's results day.
sigh.
requested for off day today so i can go get my results lol
had so many planning with hao peng you about how is he going to tell me my results but nah they didn't work haha
woke up at 8.30 to have a super early breakfast with him.
super moodless but still i managed to eat gan lao mian.
& he only had a tart.
really feeling so nervous i can die.
the night before i worked till 1am,
slept at 4am cause i couldn't stop thinking.
it had been days when i go to bed late,
cause i couldn't stop thinking.
actually, the second thing that was on my mind during the whole exam period is,
shit i don't want results day to come.
but i know eventually it would, & i start to wonder how would it be like.
i couldn't feel much,
because this will be the fourth time i'm taking one major exam's results.
no big deal right.
but to think of it,
this result could really change my life lol
well in my mind i was hoping 2A 2B, enough for me.
i think i did quite okay for all of the papers, mainly because
- haopengyou really guided me so so much for the past few months haha i think driving him crazy cause i was going crazy too.
- i did not sleep at all during exam time (except for PA1 i really couldn't stand it)
- i really check, for the first time check thoroughly what i had written.
- did extra questions, & really use up at least 1 page for 1 question.
forgotten which paper i actually handed up 18 papers in total, shocked my mum cause she says no examiner will read them all.
well, insecurity, you tend to write them all.
since hao peng you is a form 6 teacher, he would be able to see the results earlier.
and then we promised not to be sad all alone.
he has his expectations, whereas i, just don't wanna be sad.
i left house to fetch jingwen around 11.
it was weird cause he hasn't called, cause he would have known already.
so i texted him, and in 5 mins' time, he called back with super urgent voice, and it really made me scared.
he kept saying i did good, ask me to ask my mum to go to school and stuffs,
but i can't figure anything out.
his voice, super normal, i don't know is he sad or happy for himself or i don't know is he sad or happy for me.
i was thinking,
he probably wouldn't want me to feel sad so cheered me by saying i did good ?
cause i told him my good is 3.0, happiest if i get 3.3.
so i really couldn't figure what is he thinking at that moment.
but my heart was thumping anyway, hoping a 3.3.
reached school,
saw those familiar faces.
and can't stop feeling scared.
haopengyou went home to fetch his mum.
i think he may had achieved what he wanted,
but he told me before regardless what's his results, his mother wanna be there.
but then i didn't see that happy face on him so i really wonder.
stepped into the hall, get back my koperasi money :D,
took a seat and then it started.
it all started.
principal go talking bout the stats,
i can say that's my very first time being so attentive,
listening to what he wants to deliver.
but at the time my mind is blank.
like blank.
do you know how hard is it to feel ?
because you don't know what is coming next what to feel ?
i'm so scared.
i messaged sis, she thought i was in trouble and started calling me.
i nervous until the point i fb mei mei telling her how freaking scared am i and then sigh i just wanted to tell her.
gawd i miss that child :(
hao pengyou kept wanting to tell me my results,
i wanted to hear but then i can't bear to hear it's so nerve wrecking i couldn't think.
but i regretted.
i should have heard from him anyway.
i'm really sorry.
and then he started to announce.
i really pray those who get 4.0 aren't those who cheated in every single exam.
they cheat not to pass but to get higher marks.
hello i failed everytime it never occurred to me to cheat but you people ?
need to be kiasu until like that one meh -.-
oh they cheated in the real exam too.
with 3 invigilators in a single classroom.
crazy much -.-
anyway those who get 4.0 are super good people,
1 from physics class, & 2 from mine.
yayyy Brenda & hao peng you got them all flat.
congrats congrats *pops confetti*
so hao peng you did it :D
super genius people God bless these awesome children :)
so one by one people walked up the stage,
and me down there just starring blankly.
and the next thing, i wouldn't have seen coming in my entire life.
the screen just popped my name up, with one results below my name, i never ever expected.
i was sitting so comfortably at my seat and then jingwen was like
: " ei, jie ling, ni eh "
the first person i tried to find is haopengyou cause it's so very unbevlievable.
he just nod at me and there i made my way for the stage.
i'm still very blank.
i can't listen i can't think i can't sense.
and i think i trembled a lot.
i took my slip from my principal,
he asking me questions and all i do is only by shaking my heda cause idk wtf should i feel
i mean is this real ? i this mine ? why am i here ?
i opened up my slip and it's not a prank lmao.
3A- & 1A.
never in my life i had something this good,
to be able to walk up the stage,
to be thanked and appreciated by people who do not even know me.
*personal thoughts :
stupid school who don't even know who am i,
said i was targeted to get such results.
shit la really every teacher just target me to get principal only which is C.
do you all even bother to mould me better ?
of my 100% success, i think you all only contributed 20%.
i mean teachers never once looked at me cause i wasn't bright i wasn't smart.
how is it to feel when you suddenly became appreciated because if what you had achieved ?
this school had never been supportive of me,
and seriously i hate this school so much i wanna crush every piece of it.
i trembled and i can't thank God enough for what i had.
so many blessings from Him, so many congratulations from everyone,
i can't thank each and every one of you.
thanks to those who didn't stop building me up,
especially hao peng you who had such enormous faith in me,
my 2 mothers,
3 classmates,
and then my bunch of AA & TA friends who have never stop being supportive,
regardless wherever they are,
huiching, chels, chinteck, chunhan, zhenwei, sukwy zhen de xie xie ni men :")
i wasn't crying, didn't intended to,
but until i heard my mum's voice.
gawd what power she has in her voice.
started tearing when i told her my results.
so eager to hug her.
unlike in 2010, i had Jess Minn by my side during spm results time i cried over her shoulder.
after everything. came back home to be greeted and hugged by mum,
wallie got all excited and wanted to join us too haha
Jess Minn didn't have much response.
Jess Shynn can hardly believe when i fetched her back.
anyway i bought her McD cause me is happy.
bought omma a set too.
she's feeling rather down.
after settled everything,
brought my 2 mums,
omma & mammi to the beach.
i just feel good being with them.
plus i wanna be there for them together to go through this phase.
with the wind blowing,
it's nice letting everything go.
had dinner with family & grandparents at night.
grandpa was the happiest i think.
cause he has always believed in me.
he even said he'd chopped his head down if i can't get into uni.
haha i'm really blessed.
others despite being shocked,
they are very happy i think.
and i got a warm text from Beijing !
love you so much mei mei <3
pretty much sums up my favourite break of all.
after 10 off days,
here came the day i had been waiting and not waiting for.
i can't thank God enough really.
i'm so blessed.
i'm really very blessed.
thank You so so much Lord.
thank you hao peng you :)
credits : hazelnutcoffeeplease
mothers & i.
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